Can I outrun the clock?

Photo: jayneandd

Completing at least one marathon is a personal goal, something on my life's to-do list. But ever since I registered for my first marathon, I've been having nagging thoughts about whether I should be spending precious babymaking time on what could be a considered a selfish physical pursuit. I mean, when it comes down to it, I am, in fact, paying someone else so I can train hard for months, leave my family to travel across the country and "celebrate" my 35th birthday by running 26.2 miles of amazingly beautiful, yet hilly, terrain in Big Sur. Awesome, right?

And yes, I did say 35. Dun-dun-DUN! Yes, the fearsome age at which a woman apparently needs to get high-tech to get pregnant, and if she succeeds, must wear the badge of "high-risk" during her pregnancy. Our beautiful boy is nearing his second birthday and talk about another kid has been swirling around now that life feels like it's settled into a manageable routine again. And funny enough, that talk started happening more often after I signed up for this race. Nothing like deadlines for motivation (and anxiety), I guess.

But should I really even be worrying? Well, according to the stats—maybe. Thumb through any authoritative text on fertility, and you'll see the numbers showing how fertility in women begins to decline for women in their late 20s and early 30s. You'll probably also read how women are born with a finite number of eggs and when they're gone or unusable, that's it. And that fertility isn't a matter of staying healthy, it's just a matter of time. OK, all true, but what about the growing numbers of women who are successfully having kids later, often past age 40? Social conventions have changed and medical technologies have improved, but biology hasn't, doctors say.

So, what's a 21st-century gal to do? After all, many women have lives outside of motherhood, and either by chance or choice, delay pregnancy. I find some comfort in a discussion I had with my famously kind and wise OB last year, who asked me when we were going to have another kid. When I asked him whether he was asking me that because it was "all downhill after next year," he laughed and said, "No, no no!" And then proceeded to tell me about his wife, who had their youngest after age 40. I also find some comfort in knowing that although passing time means passing fertility, every woman's body ages at a different rate, and that turning 35 doesn't flip a switch somewhere to power everything down.

Maybe we "aging" ladies just have to say, "What will be, will be, and I'll just have to live my life in the meantime." But that doesn't mean I won't be thinking about all of this when I'm doing long runs and track workouts this winter. Or that I won't have days when I think that training is selfish or meaningless in the grand scheme of things, especially in the realm of motherhood. Even elite running mamas like Paula Radcliffe and Kara Goucher talk about having those days.

Maybe I'll just look at marathon training as a way to get in the best shape I can before trying to grow another pea in the pod. And hope that the ticking of my stopwatch is louder than the secondhand on my biological clock.

© 2011 GUF

The Dean offers me a kick in the butt.

Nothing like some harsh truth from an ultramarathoner to remind me that staying in my comfort zone can be boring and stunting. From the Runner's World quote of the week:

"Most people never get there. They're afraid or unwilling to demand enough of themselves and take the easy road, the path of least resistance. But struggling and suffering, as I now saw it, were the essence of a life worth living. If you're not pushing yourself beyond the comfort zone, if you're not constantly demanding more from yourself—expanding and learning as you go—you're choosing a numb existence. You're denying yourself an extraordinary trip."

—Dean Karnazes

Running hundreds of miles nonstop probably brings forth all sorts of wisdom. Thanks, Dean.

© 2011 GUF